Quiet Heroes by Barbara DeLeon

My father, David Friedman, became the lynchpin for his family early in life. His father had disappeared, perhaps back to England where he was from, but nobody really knew that for a fact. They just knew he was gone. His mother, whose name was Ida, struggled to keep her family together as long as she could, but she became emotionally and mentally unstable with what was called “melancholia” at that time and was unable to hold it together.

I never even knew she existed until many years later, when I was told she died. She was alive? I never even knew that. My father's family had kept this secret from us kids because at the time it was a shameful thing to have mental illness in the family and they didn't want us tainted with the knowledge. As a result of his mother's illness, his siblings, Ann and Joe and Sam (but not Harry, who was older) were put into foster homes. There are parts of this story that are still not clear for me, but that's the basic. Sam, about whom I had never known, was put into an institution by his foster family.

When my parents were newly married and in their own apartment, they were able to arrange for Ann and Joe to be released from the foster homes they were living in, where they were being abused. Harry also lived with them briefly. Sam was institutionalized, and that is where he lived his entire life. Ann visited Sam regularly until going to the institution became too horrible for her, and then my dad took over. Ann always said that Dave saved her life! All the siblings lived with David and Ida, my parents, until they could go out on their own, which they all did, and went on to live good, long lives. My parents, who were just starting out in life and who were poor, had succeeded in holding Dad's family together. They had succeeded in providing a secure and loving place from which they could take their places in the world. They were the ones who took that on, and without them, who knows what would have happened to Dad's family.

I want to take the time now to acknowledge the deep concern, the self-sacrifice, and the loyalty they had, and their spontaneous act of giving to those they loved. My parents were quiet heroes.